Chimatli
Corazon Normal

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I love giveaways and prizes, so decided I’d start a small series of contests on this here blog. I have a mountainful of prizes and it’s better that you my dear readers (all 4 of you) receive them than the wasteful Goodwill.

In light of the controversy surrounding Hot Ghetto Mess, I thought an appropriate prize for this week’s contest would be the fabulous book 150 Ways to Tell If You’re Ghetto from the Wayans Bros . Whoever comes up with the best “you know you’re ghetto if…” line will win the book! 

I’ve always had a soft spot for ghetto humor. Except for the more recent films, I think I’ve seen everything the Wayans family has ever done. A friend of mine who refers to himself as a “person of pallor” once watched an episode of the Wayans Bros with me. He couldn’t figure out why I was laughing so much, he chalked it up to alcohol consumption. It’s the working class humor I think…I mean that’s what it is to be ghetto, right? My dad refers to “border brothers” who listen to loud oompah music as “ranchero” and in England they have their infamous “chavs.” In essence, all these terms are code for working class.

Here’s a few examples from the book that showed me no matter how much I try and deny my societal position, when it comes down to it, I’m ghetto too.

You know you’re ghetto if…

You put sugar on your frosted cornflakes. (we did this when I was a kid)

You use a clothes hanger as an antenna. (um, still do it…)

You got all new appliances the day after the riots. (er, better left unsaid)

You buy clothes for a party and return them to the store the next day. (I was a teenager!)

You have a drawer full of catsup, jelly, salt and napkins from fast-food restaurants. (Who doesn’t?)

Now that you know some of my dirty secrets, here a few favorites from the book:

You jump into a fight that doesn’t involve you.

You have graffiti on your shower curtains.

You steal and get beat only for getting caught.

Your moms washes paper plates.

You were close enough to hit Reginald Denny.

Now it’s your turn, let’s hear ‘em!

10 Responses to “Contest #1”

  • EL CHAVO! Says:

    You know you’re ghetto if you’ve ever traded food stamps for beer. Umm, yeah, I only heard about that, I would never stoop that low!

  • johnk Says:

    You know you’re really Asian if you saw the dudes selling steaks by the welfare line on check day (back when there was a line) and thought “maybe I should do that.”

    You know you’re really Salvadorean if you’re selling hot dogs with bacon at a May Day protest.

  • cindylu Says:

    Hmmm. I have to think about this.

    How about, you know you’re ghetto when you recycle aluminum cans for the money and couldn’t give a shit about the environment?

    I bet that’s weak. Sorry. I grew up in the suburbs. Sure, we did ghetto stuff, but I’ve blocked it out.

  • Chimatli Says:

    So far, so good! There might be winner among you…

  • Rheim Says:

    I wanted to add that I keep used toothpicks in my purse — just in case.

  • Matt Lucas Says:

    You might be ghetto if…

    You save the broken tooth fillings that have fallen out for your new cavities.

  • Shawn Says:

    You bring tupperware along whenever you’re invited to someplace with food…just in case.

  • Chimatli Says:

    I had no idea it would be so hard to pick a winner. There’s a tie, so I’m going to have to throw the best entries in a hat and choose this way. Winner announced later tonight!

  • mad mexican Says:

    I can see most of the people commenting here grew up middle class, just a few things that quickly come to mind.

    You might be ghetto; if you mother asks you switch price tags on your pack of underwear at K-Mart.

    You might be ghetto; if you have to go over to the cantina on Fridays and get grocery money from your father before he spends it all at the cantina.

    You might be ghetto; if you save fancy shopping bags for when your mother takes you shopping at the goodwill.

    You might be ghetto; if you think Sizzler is a think fancy restaurant.

    You might be ghetto; if fixing up your car means putting a bobble-head doll on the dash and cheap chrome plated hub-caps on your wheels.

    You might be ghetto; if you go to an Italian restaurant and ask tortillas and jalapenos.

    You might be ghetto; if you go use a tortilla instead of a fork and spoon.

    You might be ghetto; if you have to hide everything of value in the house before your friends and relatives come to visit.

  • Chimatli Says:

    Damn! Where were you when we were having the contest? You would have won hands down!

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